Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
