how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
