she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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