Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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