We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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