just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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