is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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