you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
