I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
