I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
