Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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