Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
