youre lurking in front of me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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