Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
