A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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