I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
