Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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