I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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