Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
