She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
