fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
