Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
