I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize