After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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