I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
