I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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