Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
