I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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