We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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