I love black thongs
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize