Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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