k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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