I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My liver just had a heart attack.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
