i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
