Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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