people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
