dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
