Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
