I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
