Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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