If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
