drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
