My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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