To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
