You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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