Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
