the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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