3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
