I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize