Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
