Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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