You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize