sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
