You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
