I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
