Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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