If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
