He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
