Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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