Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
