This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
