I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
