They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize