you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
