During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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